I sometimes think that anxiety gets a bad rap. It is, after all, our bodies way of keeping us safe, offering a warnng system that there is danger and that we need to get ready to react. Of course the trouble is that for many of us - myself included - that warning system can be a bit over zealous, leaving us feeling like anxiety is our permanent state.
It can be helpful to consider what being anxious really means to us and start thinking about it as external to who we are not an intrinsic part of our personality - hence the title of this blog. Seeing anxiety as part of our very being - I am a mother, I am female and I am anxious - can actually stand in the way of us even considering that there is life without anxiety. Without realising it, anxiety can become deeply rooted in our very belief system and configuration of self.
Conversely, when we think about anxiety as something we are experiencing as separate to who we are, we are more able to consider it as something that we can leave behind. It can also make the idea of letting anxiety go more realistic (no mean feat, I know). You're no longer trying to change who you are, instead think of it as a response you are familiar with and one that with the right tools, you can develop control over.
I also notice that accepting anxiety as part of who you are can have a domino effect. We can find ourselves holding on to being anxious, "just in case". Here we need to work on teaching that inner child that we are safe and moving to and trusting our adult state.
We might also be feeding our anxiety, giving it focus simply by constantly checking in on whether it's there or not and trying to fathom why we feel this way. Searching for the source of anxiety to eliminate (fight) or escape it (flight) takes a lot of energy, energy that fires up the limbic system. Of course, if anxiety is rooted in trauma then this may benefit from exploration and processing (with the right support). But if the source of anxiety is within ourselves, this constant searching can create an unhelpful feedback loop. Instead, it can be more useful to reroute this energy and use it to to fire up the pre-frontal cortex, the logical part of the brain, by practicing grounding techniques regularly.
Unfortunately, anxiety is designed to feel awful so it's no surprise that those who suffer often fear the fear. Reminding ourselves that it will pass, that it is familiar and that we know we'll be OK can help take away it's power. Anxiety is a part of being human, so lets show ourselves some compassion and remind ourselves that we can do this!
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