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What I've learnt about navigating the long road of grief and loss

Updated: Jan 20


Thinking about grief and loss isn't something we do until we find ourselves having to. For the most part, us humans try not to dwell on what is arguably one of the few certainties in life - that we'll all experience the loss of someone close to us and the inevitable grief that brings. Yet, although we all go through it, it is a very personal journey that shows up in different ways for everyone. It's because of this that I lean into the very essence of Person-centred counselling when working with clients who are bereaved or facing a diagnosis that is going to have a big impression on their life. Often, what people need most from counselling during these times is space and warmth, to talk about their feelings without having to concern themselves with the impact their words might have on the person listening and to express themselves without judgment. Well meaning friends and family might search high and low to find a "fix" in an effort to be useful, and however well intentioned this might be this is more about their needs than the person navigating grief. Harsh I know, but true.


So what have I come to know about these turbulent times? That it is painful, a pain that is felt as brutally physically as it is emotionally. That it can ebb and flow, with moments of feeling able to cope and others where it is as fresh and raw as it ever was. That it can leave you lost, adrift, isolated and like a completely different version of yourself.


But there are other, beautiful things I see sometimes too. An awareness and connection to self, like a veil lifting that brings with it a clarity of what's important. A freedom to let go of the expectations set by society, to live authentically and in the moment. And acceptance and peace, a willingness to see relationships as they really are "warts and all", and with that the knowledge that being perfectly imperfect is precisely the way we need to be.


Grief can lead to growth. No, we'd never choose this but when it is foist upon us and when we work on grieving (because it IS work) we can find a way to live with loss.







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